The Pause
It’s three o’clock in the morning and I am wide awake. Yesterday I was awake at two o’clock, and the day before at four o’clock. In another two hours I will leap out of bed and into my active-wear set for an early morning jog in the lovely, frosty, cold air…ahhh sweet reprieve from the heat – oh did I mention it is Winter?
Perimenopause...
Seriously, no one ever told me there’d be days like these.
Insomnia.
Not the type where you lie awake for hours after getting into bed willing sleep to happen, oh no, I barely get through two pages of that riveting novel before my eyes close and I hurtle into slumber. The kind of insomnia where you wake up in the wee hours of the morning suddenly mid-dream, and wide awake. What to do? Check Facebook, read the latest news, play your turn in Words with Friends (and then play a whole match against the computer) and then what? Do your taxes? Write that thesis on shared kitchen etiquette in the workplace? Stare up at the ceiling fan and try to recall the last time you dusted it? Half an hour goes by, then an hour, then it’s almost time to get up just as your eyes grow heavy and sleep gently beckons you back into her loving arms.
Sigh – but first, coffee.
Hot Flushes
Mid-meeting I feel that rosy glow rise in my cheeks – ok, not just my cheeks, my entire face, my neck, my chest, and possibly in my left hand. Has someone put the heater on in here? Has a new hole in the ozone layer opened up over my office? No, fellow workers, I am not perpetually embarrassed (or drunk) just a little warm.
Confusion
What the hell happened to my memory? I stand up, walk three steps and forget where I was going – looking hopelessly around for cues. I have always had a freakish memory – I have never needed a, a diary, Filofax, or Palm Pilot
– every meeting, appointment, or errand was stored in my brain – and boy, was I a formidable opponent in Trivial Pursuit. My total recall of some random fact surprised me at times. Now I have difficultly remembering how to spell Wenesday – or remembering whether it is even Wednesday today…
Aches
My hands ache, my boobs ache, my legs ache, and quite frankly my whole body aches. My fingers ache from Googling to discover what insidious affliction that sudden ache might be a symptom of – my doctor, bless him, is a very, very, patient man…
Mood Swings
And queue the mood swings – intense tsunami mood swings, duck and cover! One minute I am smiling kindly at my darling cherubs, the next minute I am throwing their dirty socks (that they so thoughtfully left in the middle of the lounge) Olympic qualifying distance at their heads (luckily they didn’t leave their double-bass in there…). Bless their little hearts, they have the agility of a cheetah and can dodge most domestic missiles with ease.
weight GAin
Someone broke into my house and tampered with the scales – how can it be possible to weigh more after a good hour of running and sweating, and more sweating, and a little bit of swearing? And do you remember that story about the elves and shoemaker? I swear those pesky pointy-eared faerie folk have gone bad and have been sneaking into my wardrobe each night and taking my pants in by a couple of centimetres.
No thanks, I’ll just have the salad…
Apparently perimenopause only lasts up to ten years – oh goody!
